and wonder why i'm not posting
tiabarrera.tumblr.com
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
decisions, choices, options
yes, i can not sleep.
so i'm going to blog.
i went to vegas this weekend for my mom's birthday and it was pretty fun. sure it sucked doing my homework later than usual, but that's okay.
any who, i've been thinking about whether the choices i've made recently are good or not.
yes, i loved michael very much.
but then he changed and didn't appear to be the same person i loved.
i returned to nogales previously to this happening, and my best friend there, yes, was julio rojas. i told michael i wouldn't fall for him, but it's hard when you see one person more than the other. i haven't had time to explain things to michael, and why i just completely broke it off. i felt bad and it was the hardest thing for me to ever do..but hearing stories that are repeatitive made me worry. i tried to ignore but it seemed like the stories were happening to me. michael would be happier without me anyways, it's difficult when we go to different schools and i'm being a very social person. i know it seems like i quickly decided everything, but i had been thinking about it for a long time. it could be a bad or good thing.. but i'm actually quite content where i am. i still can 100% focus on school and band where i am now. i couldn't focus on much anything before. in case you, sir, are reading this i apologize and it must be difficult to read. but i'm being honest here. i don't want drama, i don't really want a big deal.. so sorry. i don't want to seem like a bitch but these are my honest feelings. i can't deal with a distance anymore, it's never worked out for me in the past. yes, i've made promises to michael but people do things like that all the time in relationships to keep the other person happy. i felt like i was always just trying to keep him happy but i never was happy myself. it's so hard to be with someone that whenever you hang out with them, they don't talk to you. i told him it didn't bother me.i told him it was fine. but in reality, it wasn't. when people conceal emotions away from the other person, how can you expect honesty from them? i'm a very talkative person. usually, i'm quite open. but it's hard when the other person is not. yes, it's lame to do this on the internet where people can read but hey. it's my blog, i can vent here and do whatever the hell i want.
enough with that.
yes, i'm busy with honors crap and band.
and i guess i'm so into both that i've lost some of the humor and liveliness that apparently i "used" to be full of.
everyone is telling me i'm too serious.
everyone is telling me that i'm not as fun as i used to be.
i don't feel the same way.
but then again when i'm in work mode, i'm in work mode.
i will not be stopped.
so...there's that.
but what about when i'm not?
am i still not the same?
is it i that has changed?
i guess i can sleep on those, because right now, if i sleep at exactly 3 AM, i will have 3 and a half hours of sleep.
lovely.
with this, i leave you my dear little blog.
♥ tia.
so i'm going to blog.
i went to vegas this weekend for my mom's birthday and it was pretty fun. sure it sucked doing my homework later than usual, but that's okay.
any who, i've been thinking about whether the choices i've made recently are good or not.
yes, i loved michael very much.
but then he changed and didn't appear to be the same person i loved.
i returned to nogales previously to this happening, and my best friend there, yes, was julio rojas. i told michael i wouldn't fall for him, but it's hard when you see one person more than the other. i haven't had time to explain things to michael, and why i just completely broke it off. i felt bad and it was the hardest thing for me to ever do..but hearing stories that are repeatitive made me worry. i tried to ignore but it seemed like the stories were happening to me. michael would be happier without me anyways, it's difficult when we go to different schools and i'm being a very social person. i know it seems like i quickly decided everything, but i had been thinking about it for a long time. it could be a bad or good thing.. but i'm actually quite content where i am. i still can 100% focus on school and band where i am now. i couldn't focus on much anything before. in case you, sir, are reading this i apologize and it must be difficult to read. but i'm being honest here. i don't want drama, i don't really want a big deal.. so sorry. i don't want to seem like a bitch but these are my honest feelings. i can't deal with a distance anymore, it's never worked out for me in the past. yes, i've made promises to michael but people do things like that all the time in relationships to keep the other person happy. i felt like i was always just trying to keep him happy but i never was happy myself. it's so hard to be with someone that whenever you hang out with them, they don't talk to you. i told him it didn't bother me.i told him it was fine. but in reality, it wasn't. when people conceal emotions away from the other person, how can you expect honesty from them? i'm a very talkative person. usually, i'm quite open. but it's hard when the other person is not. yes, it's lame to do this on the internet where people can read but hey. it's my blog, i can vent here and do whatever the hell i want.
enough with that.
yes, i'm busy with honors crap and band.
and i guess i'm so into both that i've lost some of the humor and liveliness that apparently i "used" to be full of.
everyone is telling me i'm too serious.
everyone is telling me that i'm not as fun as i used to be.
i don't feel the same way.
but then again when i'm in work mode, i'm in work mode.
i will not be stopped.
so...there's that.
but what about when i'm not?
am i still not the same?
is it i that has changed?
i guess i can sleep on those, because right now, if i sleep at exactly 3 AM, i will have 3 and a half hours of sleep.
lovely.
with this, i leave you my dear little blog.
♥ tia.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
crying,hyperventilating, and sobbing are not the answers to my problems.
am i really doing the right thing? i can't even tell/feel anymore.
i'm numb, lost in thought and my surroundings.
i don't want to get up tommorow morning.
i'm so lost in what i'm doing, what i should do..
what i want to do, what everyone's telling me to do.
i really just.. don't want to be here.
i need a hug and for someone to tell me it'll all be okay.
that whatever happens will be for the best.
that the future's going to bright and i should look forward to it.
cause right now, i feel alone.
i know there are people that love me and only want the best for me..
but physically, alone.
shopping distracts me from my life.
hopefully that won't create an issue for me later in life.
michael, i love you. with all my heart, i really do.
this is just such a rough time for me and i don't know where i'm going.
i feel so dead.
if it's not okay, it's not the end.
am i really doing the right thing? i can't even tell/feel anymore.
i'm numb, lost in thought and my surroundings.
i don't want to get up tommorow morning.
i'm so lost in what i'm doing, what i should do..
what i want to do, what everyone's telling me to do.
i really just.. don't want to be here.
i need a hug and for someone to tell me it'll all be okay.
that whatever happens will be for the best.
that the future's going to bright and i should look forward to it.
cause right now, i feel alone.
i know there are people that love me and only want the best for me..
but physically, alone.
shopping distracts me from my life.
hopefully that won't create an issue for me later in life.
michael, i love you. with all my heart, i really do.
this is just such a rough time for me and i don't know where i'm going.
i feel so dead.
if it's not okay, it's not the end.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
dear michael,
i tear up at the fact of what i'm putting you through.
this has been the hardest decision i've had to make, period.
i love you, and i always will.
i know you don't want a repeat of your past and neither do i.
but some things just have to be done.
adjustments need to be made.
just remember all the times we've had together and the laughs we've shared, and look ahead.
i don't want to be another girl on the list.
you're always on my mind, trust me.
i love you :]
-tia ♥
this has been the hardest decision i've had to make, period.
i love you, and i always will.
i know you don't want a repeat of your past and neither do i.
but some things just have to be done.
adjustments need to be made.
just remember all the times we've had together and the laughs we've shared, and look ahead.
i don't want to be another girl on the list.
you're always on my mind, trust me.
i love you :]
-tia ♥
Monday, August 24, 2009
my formsprinngg.
what's on your mind?
what the fuck is this!
it's..formspring.
what's on your mind?
mark mejia, he's CUTE (:
...sure
what's on your mind? too much to handle
tell me about it[:
what the fuck is this!
it's..formspring.
what's on your mind?
mark mejia, he's CUTE (:
...sure
what's on your mind? too much to handle
tell me about it[:
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday: You aren't one to let your feelings get in the way of what you are doing, but blind optimism can lead you down a dead-end street now if you're not careful. Fortunately, you can negate unrealistic expectations by digging in and applying yourself diligently to your chores. Not only will you be able to accomplish a good deal, but you'll also be left with a more positive outlook on your life.
Saturday: You are feeling the Moon's fragmenting tugs as she first pulls you one way and then another. You might try to disregard your changing emotions, but now you don't seem to have a lot of control over what you're feeling. Let the whimsical winds blow as they might; attempts to alter their direction are fruitless. Take detours and scenic routes when possible, for your experience widens once you step off the beaten path.
ogosh, enough said.
i apologize, michael, for not trying hard this week.
it's been rough. but love youu.
the end of week one.
- ♥ tia.
Saturday: You are feeling the Moon's fragmenting tugs as she first pulls you one way and then another. You might try to disregard your changing emotions, but now you don't seem to have a lot of control over what you're feeling. Let the whimsical winds blow as they might; attempts to alter their direction are fruitless. Take detours and scenic routes when possible, for your experience widens once you step off the beaten path.
ogosh, enough said.
i apologize, michael, for not trying hard this week.
it's been rough. but love youu.
the end of week one.
- ♥ tia.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
the official end of the first day of BANDCAMP.
it went well. i think i improved a lil, not just on rack but playing wise in general. i really wish i was on vibes or marimba though]: anyways.. ernie. ogod. i don't appreciate that kid at all. he gives such a bad attitude to liz, doesn't listen, doesn't know his parts, doesn't help...bwa. anyways, i'm glad i got to talk to liz for a little today, i really like her :] not because i'm trying to kiss up to my pit captain, but she likes a lot of the same music as i do so das coo! julio totally looked beat by the end of the day. but he managed to pull out a laugh and 'you look chinky!' at the end of the day -___- music wise it went pretty well. kevin's not going to be here tommorow so.. yay hehe. anyways, it was fun but i'm tired.
s'all i gotta say.
with this, i leave you, my readers.
[:
-tia
s'all i gotta say.
with this, i leave you, my readers.
[:
-tia
Sunday, August 9, 2009
i'm kinda proud of myself, for 2009.
so far.
i haven't gotten into any trouble, i kept my grades up, i've become closer to my family, i've made myself a better person, i have the best boyfriend/bestfriend any girl could ask for :]
but it has all gone by so fast, it scares me! i mean, it seems like just last month it was new years eve [or my birthday..kekeke] i'm GLAD 2008 is long gone though, i hated that year so much.
anyways, woaah. schoool's coming ]: it makes me wonder what's going to happen this year. people keep trying to convince me to leave michael for someone else, which would never happen. so, stop trying. *cough.* i love michael so much, i would never do anything to hurt him. especially for something like that. but yeaah...the school year is coming up QUICK. it's a little nerve racking, i'll tell ya ! i think i'll be fine though..if i don't procrastinate. plus if anything comes up that will cause a conflict, i've been working on being a little less selfless. i mean i even listen to my "enemy's" problems and help him work them out. as much as he REALLY bothers me in band, and pretty much ... everywhere, i'm still here for him. yeah. really. even if chris bondoc needed me, i think i'd be there for him. i'm trying to be a mature and selfless person.. i am a work in progress.
so far.
i haven't gotten into any trouble, i kept my grades up, i've become closer to my family, i've made myself a better person, i have the best boyfriend/bestfriend any girl could ask for :]
but it has all gone by so fast, it scares me! i mean, it seems like just last month it was new years eve [or my birthday..kekeke] i'm GLAD 2008 is long gone though, i hated that year so much.
anyways, woaah. schoool's coming ]: it makes me wonder what's going to happen this year. people keep trying to convince me to leave michael for someone else, which would never happen. so, stop trying. *cough.* i love michael so much, i would never do anything to hurt him. especially for something like that. but yeaah...the school year is coming up QUICK. it's a little nerve racking, i'll tell ya ! i think i'll be fine though..if i don't procrastinate. plus if anything comes up that will cause a conflict, i've been working on being a little less selfless. i mean i even listen to my "enemy's" problems and help him work them out. as much as he REALLY bothers me in band, and pretty much ... everywhere, i'm still here for him. yeah. really. even if chris bondoc needed me, i think i'd be there for him. i'm trying to be a mature and selfless person.. i am a work in progress.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)