when i think life is perfect
the thought strikes me.
i am so detached from the world from which i should be involved in. nogales.
i told them i was coming back already.
but, since i am coming back, where would i belong?
nogales is just a bigger rincon. i didn't fit in anywhere.
you can't say 'you knew almost everyone you can't say that'
because i can. sure, i knew almost everyone.
but i wasn't close with anyone.
anyone i was close with then, i have lost most touch with.
especially nathan. except that asshole texted me yesterday. hmph. whatever at him though.
no matter which school i go to, i don't know if i'd be completely happy.
i'm scared to go back to nogales. i have the support of yes-a whopping amount of 3 people, but i don't know. i fear going back to band. i don't know why. i love it, really. i have the passion for it, but i don't know why i'm scared. maybe because i left and are just now coming back? it's not my fault. my parents wanting two different things. i kind of don't want to spend all of my time at my dad's house, because the living environment doesn't help much with any stress that i am or could possibly be involved in. at least if i went to nogales, i'd be closer to michael than i would be at ayala. i'd end up leaving ayala quickly anyways, only to find myself alone again. so i'm just going to stick to nogales. jerel said to go to practice thursday, but i'm scared of seeing everyone again. i don't know why. maybe it's the fear of the dirty looks going to be shot at me by nathan lovell and jordan bradshaw. but then, of course julio, jerel and ryan will be there<3 the three people that do believe in me haha. and john galang, of course.
but aside from the band geeky-ness, who will i be with when i'm NOT in class?
not the typical asian/filipinos. i could never tolerate them much. not going to name names, but i didn't really talk to them in middle school. i don't see why i would in high school.
the band people- yeah. upperclassmen. i don't know about them though.
the freshmen... oh the other freshmen, whom i can absolutely not stand. completely intolerable, and i'd rather not get involved with any of them. almost every single freshmen [at least at nogales] i didn't like at rincon. if i didn't like them at rincon, why would i like them at nogales?
it's times like this i wish i just wasn't this age. i wish i was older.
just so the distance between every one wouldn't matter.
i'm only close to people far away.
which makes everything so much more difficult.
it's an interesting struggle.
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