decisions, choices, options

yes, i can not sleep.
so i'm going to blog.
i went to vegas this weekend for my mom's birthday and it was pretty fun. sure it sucked doing my homework later than usual, but that's okay.
any who, i've been thinking about whether the choices i've made recently are good or not.
yes, i loved michael very much.
but then he changed and didn't appear to be the same person i loved.
i returned to nogales previously to this happening, and my best friend there, yes, was julio rojas. i told michael i wouldn't fall for him, but it's hard when you see one person more than the other. i haven't had time to explain things to michael, and why i just completely broke it off. i felt bad and it was the hardest thing for me to ever do..but hearing stories that are repeatitive made me worry. i tried to ignore but it seemed like the stories were happening to me. michael would be happier without me anyways, it's difficult when we go to different schools and i'm being a very social person. i know it seems like i quickly decided everything, but i had been thinking about it for a long time. it could be a bad or good thing.. but i'm actually quite content where i am. i still can 100% focus on school and band where i am now. i couldn't focus on much anything before. in case you, sir, are reading this i apologize and it must be difficult to read. but i'm being honest here. i don't want drama, i don't really want a big deal.. so sorry. i don't want to seem like a bitch but these are my honest feelings. i can't deal with a distance anymore, it's never worked out for me in the past. yes, i've made promises to michael but people do things like that all the time in relationships to keep the other person happy. i felt like i was always just trying to keep him happy but i never was happy myself. it's so hard to be with someone that whenever you hang out with them, they don't talk to you. i told him it didn't bother me.i told him it was fine. but in reality, it wasn't. when people conceal emotions away from the other person, how can you expect honesty from them? i'm a very talkative person. usually, i'm quite open. but it's hard when the other person is not. yes, it's lame to do this on the internet where people can read but hey. it's my blog, i can vent here and do whatever the hell i want.

enough with that.
yes, i'm busy with honors crap and band.
and i guess i'm so into both that i've lost some of the humor and liveliness that apparently i "used" to be full of.
everyone is telling me i'm too serious.
everyone is telling me that i'm not as fun as i used to be.
i don't feel the same way.
but then again when i'm in work mode, i'm in work mode.
i will not be stopped.
so...there's that.
but what about when i'm not?
am i still not the same?
is it i that has changed?
i guess i can sleep on those, because right now, if i sleep at exactly 3 AM, i will have 3 and a half hours of sleep.
lovely.
with this, i leave you my dear little blog.



♥ tia.